Skinned knees are now a thing. We’re so proud of them.
As I’m sure you already know from even just your own childhood, when kids play outside, their psychological and physical health improves. It’s even better with unstructured play. We’re still working toward getting more of it all in again now that little brother is here.
When we are outside, Nishantha is great at encouraging Nouarie to run and jump back up after she takes a spill. Also, advice from Nouarie’s friend Regan to just yell “Wipeout!” and keep playing helps, skinned knees and all.
For more about outdoor play, I recommend Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident, and Capable Children by Angela Hanscom.
“Mommy, uppie me!” As often and as long as I can, sweet girl.
I hear “uppie me, Mommy” all day, especially when Noutin is in my arms. I couldn’t pick Nouarie up after my c-section, and I feel like she’s still catching up on lost carries. I’m trying to avoid calling it “jealously” or “attention-seeking.” She needs the hugs. She’s two and a half and she’s used to having me to herself.
If we lived 150 years ago or in a different culture, it would be different. We would be surrounded by a community of adults ready to hold her and/or her brother as our family adjusted to the addition of a baby. This is how most humans have raised children. It’s harder for us modern moms and our kids because we have less support. We normally have extra arms around our house, and it’s still tough to “uppie” everyone.
On the bright side, I’m getting better at noticing when Nouarie needs some extra affection instead of waiting for her to ask for it. It makes me think back to learning to be proactive during the trauma-informed care training I had almost ten years ago.
Parent friends, how do I keep her to want to be in my arms as long as possible?
We cry but we never cry-it-out. Ever.
Cry-it-out is crap. When babies, toddlers, and kids have crying meltdowns, they need loving adult embraces and reassurance in order to calm down. Their brains cannot self-soothe. It may look like they are, but really they’re just going into a freeze stress response (think fight, flight, or freeze). This means they’re just giving up. This negatively affects they way their brains become wired to respond to stress.
Cry-it-out is trendy “nanny wisdom” and it’s not backed by current brain research. It may look like it’s working, but it damages kids in the long-run.
Source: The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland. I’m going to start a Facebook book club for this book and update my progress as I read it in my stories. Let me know if you want to join the book club.
P.S. To my friends who have used cry-it-out with the best of intentions. No judgement. I know we’re all doing the best we can with the tools and wisdom we have. I’m just trying to share a little. And, the brain can be always be rewired.
P.P.S No babies were harmed in the taking of this photo. I had just picked Noutin up from the stroller to feed him.
Thoughts on cry-it-out?
I'm a teacher, mama, and mentor. I created the You Before School e-course and more. I'm here to encourage and share self-efficacy skills for women.